I had a PET scan done on Wednesday. It is now Friday morning. I know the results were sent to my oncologist's office on Thursday morning. Yet, I have not yet heard back. When I rang the clinic today, the receptionist tells me: Can't you wait till next Tuesday when you see Dr Wong?"

Well, in short, the answer is 'No'. Absolutely not. Why do I have to wait? Why should I wait to hear if a life-threatening disease has returned? I can only think of one reason - that they found something. That's why I have to wait to see the doctor, so she can deliver the bad news face to face.

Ok. Even while writing this post, I received a call saying the scans were clean, except for some spots on the bone which were 'not significant'. I was so relieved I forgot to ask if that was all they found. I guess so.

You know, I understand that if you deal with cancer patients all day long, that you get a little blase about things like their anxieties. But I am my only cancer patient. I am all I have and I am NOT blase. As I said to someone whose mother has just been diagnosed with cancer, vigilance is key. I have always taken my health for granted. Ailments in the past have always been fixable with an antibiotic or two. I am now paying for my lack of vigilance with breast cancer.

Now, every ache, every twinge, has to be monitored. If it does not go away in 10 days, it has to be investigated. I journal every little symptom so I know I am not imagining things or getting hysterical. Yes, vigilance is key - and you cannot rely on your doctors to be vigilant, although you have to trust they will do their best. With cancer, I am reaching new and tiring levels of self-reliance. It is me, myself and I in this battle. That's it. That's all.