It has been almost two weeks since my last post - days filled with aching legs, headaches, and watery eyes that just won't stop tearing. All, I am assured, side effects of chemotherapy. Funny how it is the last dose that brings on the worst round of side effects - a blessing in disguise I guess.
Today, I began radiation therapy. I had always been told that it would be 'nothing' - the only problem I had with radiation therapy was parking my car, said someone. And in actual fact, it is really a non-event - so far. I am told that I will be fatigued after the third week. I had not, therefore, given it much thought, and was mentally not prepared for the experience.
As with all cancer experiences, it is a new experience, one that was hitherto unknown. The machines, for example, are huge. It begs the chicken-and-egg question - radiation therapy machines, or Star Trek movies, which came first? It is rather space agey. And talking to the radiation oncologist about radio-isotopes in the calendular oil I want to apply to the irradiated site - well, that was rather surreal.
Once again, the sheer contrast betweent the technology of cancer treatment and the frail human body seems rather like using a hammer to squish an ant. It is, though, a reminder of the deadliness of that ant.
The fact that I will be taking about 30 blasts, when the standard dose is 25, also reminds me that the general prognosis is not the greatest.
The fact that I have discovered another lump - in my back this time - is another sobering thought. Hopefully, though, it is nothing. Watch this space.
Another sobering experience - the doctor found a polyp and has sent it to the histology lab. Again, hopefully it is nothing.
The fact that I am finding it hard, all of a sudden, to run the usual 6km - is this a cause for concern, I wonder. Should I get my lungs, legs, bones etc checked?
And so it goes. Everything has to be checked. I have to be paranoid about everything. That despite the fact that I should be back at work in 10 weeks, and that the dreaded chemotherapy is over, the cancer journey is, in fact, still new, with each new phase, and each discovery of a new physical symptom bringing on anew the early fears.
God, will it never end?
Today, I began radiation therapy. I had always been told that it would be 'nothing' - the only problem I had with radiation therapy was parking my car, said someone. And in actual fact, it is really a non-event - so far. I am told that I will be fatigued after the third week. I had not, therefore, given it much thought, and was mentally not prepared for the experience.
As with all cancer experiences, it is a new experience, one that was hitherto unknown. The machines, for example, are huge. It begs the chicken-and-egg question - radiation therapy machines, or Star Trek movies, which came first? It is rather space agey. And talking to the radiation oncologist about radio-isotopes in the calendular oil I want to apply to the irradiated site - well, that was rather surreal.
Once again, the sheer contrast betweent the technology of cancer treatment and the frail human body seems rather like using a hammer to squish an ant. It is, though, a reminder of the deadliness of that ant.
The fact that I will be taking about 30 blasts, when the standard dose is 25, also reminds me that the general prognosis is not the greatest.
The fact that I have discovered another lump - in my back this time - is another sobering thought. Hopefully, though, it is nothing. Watch this space.
Another sobering experience - the doctor found a polyp and has sent it to the histology lab. Again, hopefully it is nothing.
The fact that I am finding it hard, all of a sudden, to run the usual 6km - is this a cause for concern, I wonder. Should I get my lungs, legs, bones etc checked?
And so it goes. Everything has to be checked. I have to be paranoid about everything. That despite the fact that I should be back at work in 10 weeks, and that the dreaded chemotherapy is over, the cancer journey is, in fact, still new, with each new phase, and each discovery of a new physical symptom bringing on anew the early fears.
God, will it never end?
posted by Simone @ 11:11 PM
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