My hair is starting to grow again. I have mixed feelings about this - mainly because it is coming out white. I am told that once the chemo is over, it will come back in its usual black. Meanwhile, it is white. There is some black, which makes my scalp look rather unsightly. I wish it would come back in a single colour.

The fact that the hair is coming back signals another phase of this journey called cancer survival. Over the past four months, my life has changed on every level there is. And there is more to come. Just in the next 30 days, I will be done with chemo, begin with radiation and start with a new phase. On the company front, many changes are afoot. In 40 days, I will have to go through a hysterectomy and in 30 days after that, I will be moving back to Shanghai.

Over the past three years, I have had two different jobs, have had my life hit rock bottom, climb back up, moved countries, seen my job in Shanghai change three times,learnt a new language, made new friends, been diagnosed with a dread disease, had a mastectomy, and faced my mortality - and moved in with my mother. I seem to be just having to cope with one thing after another.

I am sick of change. I yearn for a space of peace and stability. They say that when things change quickly, God is at work - there is something that is building up. I seem to be in perpetual preparation. I am exhausted.

So, the hair regrowth, although something relatively insignificant, is unwelcome because it signals the next phase. I had just begun to get used to the round of chemo every three weeks. Now, I will have to adjust to a schedule of daily radiation, and a new doctor.

I don't think people understand how stressful all this is. Because I am taking the chemo well, people think I am sailing through this - but the stress of constant change is a whole different ball of wax, and it is tiring. It does take its toll...