Today, I had my first dose of Femara, the aromatase inhibitor I will be on for at least the next three years. Femara is given to post menopausal women to protect against the recurrence of estrogen sensitive cancers. So, fingers crossed!
I am obviously losing it. I had thought I was only three weeks into radiation but was told by the radio oncologist today that I have already completed four weeks of radiaton, that this week will be my fifth, next week my last.
Again, got to get geared up for the next thing, which is the hysterectomy. I had got used to the daily rush of getting up, hitting the email for an hour, then getting dressed, and heading into the hospital for radiation cum small talk session for the day with the radiology girls.
Yesterday, I collected - after 6 months - some photos I had taken in China before coming back. I hardly recognised myself. The only word that could adequately have described me is 'rotund'. My brother said he had noticed 'a certain degree of porking out'. That's what passes for tact in my family. I really looked as though I was ready to pop out of my skin! But at least I had hair, eyeleashes, and eyebrows! I had forgotten what I used to look like. In the same roll was a photo of myself after round 2 of chemo, hairless and looking like crap - a far cry from Ms Rotund Singapore.
The big thing about this was not about how different I look, but how much life has changed in six months. It is one thing to talk about it, and go through it, but the photos were a stark reminder of the reality of what I have been through. People tell me I have been through alot physically, that my body has taken a real beating.
The funny thing, and I believe that this is by the grace of God, I don't feel it. I feel quite chirpy most times, in fact. Despite my grumbles, it has really made a difference having my mother around. I don't think I could have coped as well, if I were living alone, although there were many times when I thought I really could have done with more peace and quiet.
I am quite dreading going back to Shanghai and the office. For one thing, it will be completely different now that we have been through the merger. For another, it will be another huge transition - relocation again, looking for an apartment, going through the stress of trying to be macrobiotic in a toxic country, and coming to grips with my job. Even if is the same role, the parameters will have changed drastically because we are essentially now a completely different company. And I will be alone, there will be no support circle.
Oh well, I suppose I will cope with it the way I always cope - one day at a time. It would really be nice to be able to look forward to the following year and know exactly what I will be doing.
Someone once told me that I lived such an exciting life, that if she did not speak to me for a week, she would find that my life situation had changed completely!And this is someone I have known since University. Whenever I tell someone else (another university friend) that I am going to live somewhere else for awhile, he says: "What, again?" as though I am leaving town all the time. I feel that I am chained to Singapore, my own personal Sing Sing. They all complain their lives are so boring, that they dread the mid-life crisis because they might do something really stupid to liven things up.
Good grief, I would love a bit of boring for a little while (a little, little while...)!
I am obviously losing it. I had thought I was only three weeks into radiation but was told by the radio oncologist today that I have already completed four weeks of radiaton, that this week will be my fifth, next week my last.
Again, got to get geared up for the next thing, which is the hysterectomy. I had got used to the daily rush of getting up, hitting the email for an hour, then getting dressed, and heading into the hospital for radiation cum small talk session for the day with the radiology girls.
Yesterday, I collected - after 6 months - some photos I had taken in China before coming back. I hardly recognised myself. The only word that could adequately have described me is 'rotund'. My brother said he had noticed 'a certain degree of porking out'. That's what passes for tact in my family. I really looked as though I was ready to pop out of my skin! But at least I had hair, eyeleashes, and eyebrows! I had forgotten what I used to look like. In the same roll was a photo of myself after round 2 of chemo, hairless and looking like crap - a far cry from Ms Rotund Singapore.
The big thing about this was not about how different I look, but how much life has changed in six months. It is one thing to talk about it, and go through it, but the photos were a stark reminder of the reality of what I have been through. People tell me I have been through alot physically, that my body has taken a real beating.
The funny thing, and I believe that this is by the grace of God, I don't feel it. I feel quite chirpy most times, in fact. Despite my grumbles, it has really made a difference having my mother around. I don't think I could have coped as well, if I were living alone, although there were many times when I thought I really could have done with more peace and quiet.
I am quite dreading going back to Shanghai and the office. For one thing, it will be completely different now that we have been through the merger. For another, it will be another huge transition - relocation again, looking for an apartment, going through the stress of trying to be macrobiotic in a toxic country, and coming to grips with my job. Even if is the same role, the parameters will have changed drastically because we are essentially now a completely different company. And I will be alone, there will be no support circle.
Oh well, I suppose I will cope with it the way I always cope - one day at a time. It would really be nice to be able to look forward to the following year and know exactly what I will be doing.
Someone once told me that I lived such an exciting life, that if she did not speak to me for a week, she would find that my life situation had changed completely!And this is someone I have known since University. Whenever I tell someone else (another university friend) that I am going to live somewhere else for awhile, he says: "What, again?" as though I am leaving town all the time. I feel that I am chained to Singapore, my own personal Sing Sing. They all complain their lives are so boring, that they dread the mid-life crisis because they might do something really stupid to liven things up.
Good grief, I would love a bit of boring for a little while (a little, little while...)!
posted by Simone @ 8:08 PM
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