Today I celebrate as a day of liberation. I decided to take ownership of my life back and faced up to some facts about having cancer:
a) Being bald is just...fantastic. Apart from seeing whether or not you have stick-out ears (mine are not!), you actually look better without hair. When it is hanging limply off your scalp in patches, looking like a horror movie doll with glued on hair, you do look ghastly. But now, with a shiny bald pate, I actually look healthy, full of life! Go figure...So, yay, no hair! Scalp feels minty cool and I cannot wait to sweat it out in a jog.
b) I told my personal trainer ie, my brother, to take a hike. I was being pushed to jog, being told I had to be fit. Good grief. Face it - I have cancer, I am going through chemotherapy. Who gets fighting fit during chemo? I refuse to jog to the point where I have to come home to nap. I want to be energised at the end of the session, not worn out. It's all in your mind, he tells me. You're not panting so you cannot be tired. Crap. I am tired. Full stop.
c) Since I am housebound due to low immunity - massive sessions of online retail therapy! I put everything I want into the shopping cart, but most of the sites I like (Barney's, Nordstrom, Macey's, Bloomingdales etc) do not ship to Asia. Yay! High end therapy without the financial pinch. Fantastic!
d)I let go of the job issues. I may not have a job at the end of the year, but all I can do is speak my piece and do a good job where I am asked. If that does not help, well, worrying about it now won't help, anyway. Onward, ho!
e) I told all my colleagues across the region and in HQ that I have cancer. The concerned emails, offers of support overwhelmed and touched me. But more than that, I was able to release this burden of the 'cancer' secret.
Ultimately, I have decided to put myself out there, cancer and all. Naked scalp and all. And I put myself first. Concerned relatives pushing me eat all manner of stuff, brothers making me jog, bosses giving me strife because of their own inadequacies...enough is enough. Right now, I am first and last in my universe. Everybody else can just deal. 'Nuff said.
a) Being bald is just...fantastic. Apart from seeing whether or not you have stick-out ears (mine are not!), you actually look better without hair. When it is hanging limply off your scalp in patches, looking like a horror movie doll with glued on hair, you do look ghastly. But now, with a shiny bald pate, I actually look healthy, full of life! Go figure...So, yay, no hair! Scalp feels minty cool and I cannot wait to sweat it out in a jog.
b) I told my personal trainer ie, my brother, to take a hike. I was being pushed to jog, being told I had to be fit. Good grief. Face it - I have cancer, I am going through chemotherapy. Who gets fighting fit during chemo? I refuse to jog to the point where I have to come home to nap. I want to be energised at the end of the session, not worn out. It's all in your mind, he tells me. You're not panting so you cannot be tired. Crap. I am tired. Full stop.
c) Since I am housebound due to low immunity - massive sessions of online retail therapy! I put everything I want into the shopping cart, but most of the sites I like (Barney's, Nordstrom, Macey's, Bloomingdales etc) do not ship to Asia. Yay! High end therapy without the financial pinch. Fantastic!
d)I let go of the job issues. I may not have a job at the end of the year, but all I can do is speak my piece and do a good job where I am asked. If that does not help, well, worrying about it now won't help, anyway. Onward, ho!
e) I told all my colleagues across the region and in HQ that I have cancer. The concerned emails, offers of support overwhelmed and touched me. But more than that, I was able to release this burden of the 'cancer' secret.
Ultimately, I have decided to put myself out there, cancer and all. Naked scalp and all. And I put myself first. Concerned relatives pushing me eat all manner of stuff, brothers making me jog, bosses giving me strife because of their own inadequacies...enough is enough. Right now, I am first and last in my universe. Everybody else can just deal. 'Nuff said.
posted by Simone @ 7:52 PM
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