I have been quiet for some time but this was due to the inevitable round of preparation pre-chemo hit. I need to buy higher-than-high fibre veggies, make sure they are cooked because there is simply no time on the day of. I have to go for the round of tests and doctor visits to make sure I am fit enough to take the hit. And I have to make sure I am a little ahead of my work deadlines so that I can take it easy in the first couple of days of the workweek after the chemo hit. All in all, very stressful.
And as one goes through all of this, one is reminded again that one is ill. You see, the second week after chemo is when you get stronger, and the third week usually is the best. So you think you are doing ok, that you have the Big C beaten. But no, the round of visits to hospitals and doctors remind you that the process is still ongoing and the fat lady, in fact, will never sing out on this one. It is something you will carry with you all the rest of your life. You are reminded that there is something that is bigger than you that is in charge of your life - and this is hard for all of us, in varying degrees, to swallow.
My uncle posted a comment a week ago, asking why, when faced with such life challenges, some people get 'better', while others just get 'bitter'. You know, I would love to say that I am one of the ones who get 'better', but sometimes, especially in the stress of week 3 pre-chemo, I do get a little 'bitter'. Why me, I ask again. Why now? What do You want from me? We are told that God has a plan for all of us. I would really like to know what kind of plan this is. I am sure there is some big thing out there that I, being a puny human, cannot see or understand. I have to TRUST. Sometimes, I just get fed up and would really like a roadmap.
So, the answer I guess, is that it is not just all 'better', or 'all bitter'. I think most of us have a little of both mixed in, but the question is in the proportions. I have bitter moments - but I am trying to work hard at keeping the positive moments a lot more plentiful. Sometimes, other people just annoy you, or bring up the 'bitter' element. We cannot avoid that. So, I guess the trick is to screen them out, and seek the positive out of every experience. Oh, the boss is an idiot? Never mind, at least I don't have to see him every day and when I talk to him on the phone, he cannot see the faces I am making. See? A silver lining.
Oh, the insurance companies are not paying up? Oops, am still working on that one.
Again, all this is a journey and a moment of bitterness does not make a bitter person. It is how we handle the bitter bits - like cooking bitter gourd for example. There are things we can do to minimise the bitterness. And that is the same with life. Know it, understand the reasons for it, deal with it. And that's it. Easy, no?
And as one goes through all of this, one is reminded again that one is ill. You see, the second week after chemo is when you get stronger, and the third week usually is the best. So you think you are doing ok, that you have the Big C beaten. But no, the round of visits to hospitals and doctors remind you that the process is still ongoing and the fat lady, in fact, will never sing out on this one. It is something you will carry with you all the rest of your life. You are reminded that there is something that is bigger than you that is in charge of your life - and this is hard for all of us, in varying degrees, to swallow.
My uncle posted a comment a week ago, asking why, when faced with such life challenges, some people get 'better', while others just get 'bitter'. You know, I would love to say that I am one of the ones who get 'better', but sometimes, especially in the stress of week 3 pre-chemo, I do get a little 'bitter'. Why me, I ask again. Why now? What do You want from me? We are told that God has a plan for all of us. I would really like to know what kind of plan this is. I am sure there is some big thing out there that I, being a puny human, cannot see or understand. I have to TRUST. Sometimes, I just get fed up and would really like a roadmap.
So, the answer I guess, is that it is not just all 'better', or 'all bitter'. I think most of us have a little of both mixed in, but the question is in the proportions. I have bitter moments - but I am trying to work hard at keeping the positive moments a lot more plentiful. Sometimes, other people just annoy you, or bring up the 'bitter' element. We cannot avoid that. So, I guess the trick is to screen them out, and seek the positive out of every experience. Oh, the boss is an idiot? Never mind, at least I don't have to see him every day and when I talk to him on the phone, he cannot see the faces I am making. See? A silver lining.
Oh, the insurance companies are not paying up? Oops, am still working on that one.
Again, all this is a journey and a moment of bitterness does not make a bitter person. It is how we handle the bitter bits - like cooking bitter gourd for example. There are things we can do to minimise the bitterness. And that is the same with life. Know it, understand the reasons for it, deal with it. And that's it. Easy, no?
posted by Simone @ 1:31 AM
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