My oncologist, herself a praying woman, confirmed it for me on Saturday when I went for my third and final round of FEC - I will be starting on a Taxotere regimen the next time. She said there was no other explanation for how well I was taking the chemo, except prayer. My uncle, who works with cancer patients in a hospice in Penang, had said already that it was very rare for someone to have almost no physical side effects from chemo(not counting hair loss!).

Considering the state of my health prior to the chemo - being overweight, severely under-exercised, asthmatic and a basic scaredy cat - I am surprised that I am considered to be 'doing well'. 'Amazing', is the word my oncologist uses. She told me:" I have seen patients crawling in here, on a sikit-sikit (Malay language for 'small') dose of FEC!"

And so, I would like to thank profusely all the people, my family, old friends and new, who have been praying for me and ask that they keep praying for me to continue this journey in good health. I am in return, praying for all of you, whatever your needs are - you know who you are!

This latest round of chemo was harder than the last - the first bowel movement was simply impossible until I did 30 minutes of tai chi. It must be the continual half squat position the exercises are done with! Anyway, I finally triumphed and now am being kept awake simply by heartburn rather than a painful tummy. Thank goodness for Mr Odell's video shop, which has kept me sane during some of the lowest points of my life. Escapist video is a highly recommended form of therapy, especially British movies set in buccolic splendour. Ah, the joys of watching the Brits celebrate their eccentricities on celluloid!

In fact, as I reflect, I think this journey started as, and will continue as, largely a spiritual journey. God has always operated in a fairly consistent manner with me ie, he closes all doors and just leaves one open a crack and I will have no choice but to go through that door, sometimes (although not this time, too much in shock) with teeth gritted in sulking rebellion. My selection of my two doctors so far were through two such cracks - and both choices (God's, not mine!) were excellent.

Trust, I guess, at this point, is the keyword. The number of people, even total strangers such as the operating theatre nurses, who were so willing to pray with me, and for me...such comfort from all corners. It has been amazing - and very reassuring. "You are being looked after,", Sister Edwina, my spiritual director, told me. Neither of my brothers customarily attend mass, but now one does (with his family, no less!) and the other actually prays for me. Who would have thunk it?

After two years in China, where I did not attend Church because the only service I could find was in Korean (go figure!), it is good to come back to a Christian community and to speak to friends about my spirituality. I recall when I first walked into Mount Alvernia hopsital, where I had the first operation, I had to walk under a huge crucifix - and I felt a sense of homecoming - although I was rather frightened at the time. I did say I was a scaredy cat!

I guess this is what this particular life journey is all about for me. I am apprehensive, because God's journeys are never easy - especially since I am a type A personality! It does sometimes end up being a battle and no matter how many times I go through God's tests, I still fight, and still seek to have things my way. Sometimes I am just plain mad at God. Why me, I shout. I wish I had the total submission I see in others, things would be much easier. I comfort myself by thinking there must be a reason why God made me the way I am, I just haven't figured it out yet!

But I have to also admit that in the past, no matter how much I resented some of the choices I have had to make, it all came out right in the end. It is the journey that is tough. This too, shall pass, one of my editors used to tell me. So, I remain hopeful...cautiously. And I will focus my world view on the here and now, taking refuge in prayer and, increasingly, meditation. I am sure that God will show me the customary door open-a-crack when the time is right - and he will make sure I darn well recognise it!

Now...guess what? The heartburn seems to have gone away. To bed, to bed...