My mother is getting old - not just physically, but mentally, too. She cannnot, for example, remember anything she is told. She sometimes cannot even remember she has been to a particular shop an hour ago, even if she bought something in it. She often accuses other people of moving or taking stuff, when in actual fact, she might have moved it, or chucked it out, herself.

This is something that has, I feel, been exacerbated by my father's death eight years ago. She had never lived alone, and now, she has been living alone for eight years. I used to be the last of the children living with her but I could not deal with it once my father died. There was no-one else to take things out on, except me. I used to spend all my days in a bad mood. I had no joy. I avoided going home, and when I was home, avoided coming out of my room, just to be able to have some peace and quiet.

Now, none of us kids want to live with her. My youngest brother has offered a few times to have her live with him but that is because he is good at living in a bubble. The cancer has meant that I am living with my mother again, and again, I find myself locking myself in my room, avoiding coming out.

I almost moved out today after yet another tirade. But conversations with friends changed that - they all have the same issues with their mothers. They all spend time well away from them when they live with them. Their advice is: shut it out.

What is it about our Asian culture that makes it so hard for us to cut those apron strings? I have British friends who have no hesitation leaving difficult parents to their own devices. One friend even evicted her 80-year-old mother from the flat she had bought for her 20 years ago, in order to sell it. I would have a hard time doing the same. But she is now living well and happily in Australia, off the money from the sale, and God has not seemed to smite her.

I am learning one important thing, though - that no-one can really take away your joy unless you allow them to. The world is full of crap, with people who have their own issues and who will inflict this on you, if you let them. The key is not to let them - but it is hardest with family and people you care about.

Never having learnt the art of getting on with people, my mother is increasingly isolated, with a shrinking friendship circle. Never having had to make all her life decisions on her own, she is fearful and anxious about the smallest things. As her daughter, I feel sad that her life is evolving this way. No-one should have to live in loneliness, especially my mother, who is an extremely giving person.

I sense I am in transition again, with regards to my relationship with my mother and even, I suppose, my evolution as an adult - at my great age! I suppose the key to adulthood is to distance oneself, to become more of a watcher than a participator. To wait to see how things evolve, rather than acting on impulse or offering an unwanted (and sometimes unnecessary)opinion, and sticking one's foot in it.

Well, I'm willing to give adulthood a go! Will open the bedroom door now, got to get my dinner.