I hope a Merry Christmas was had by all! I had a pretty good one, even without alcohol.
God was merciful and answered my prayers - the family all showed up. For the first time since my father's death, I saw his side of the family for Christmas, and we all, even his nephews who barely see their own parents, remembered my father fondly and with laughter. My cousin, who does not have time for much, has been supportive the minute I was diagnosed, inviting me over for dinner and saying that they would cook whatever I wanted to eat. The last time I saw him was eight years ago just after my father died.
One of my brothers, who is incommunicado most of the time, and whose attendance at the family lunch was up in the air - we had not heard from him for a few weeks despite several text messages and phone calls - actually made it back. My mother was beside herself with joy. For about two days prior, I had asked God to speak to his heart to bring him home for Christmas, not for me, but for my mother. I had actually told God to, in local parlance, 'knock his head'. Two days after I began praying this prayer, as He has seemed to do throughout my cancer journey, God answered my prayers! My brother had to work overtime to make it back for Christmas - but thank God he managed it.
More than this, the friends I've made, who are on the same cancer journey, were all in touch, making the season all the more meaningful. While I worked hard to make this a Christmas reminiscent of the Christmasses of my youth, I had to acknowledge that this was not to be. Things are too different - my brothers do not do Christmas in a big way - I was horrified to find their kids did not get Christmas presents! They get lots of presents all year round, so why bother at Christmas? No Christmas tree, no carolling, no Mass...
When I used to do Christmas at my flat, I pushed the boat out. It was not so this time because it was done at my brother's flat. So, this was one departure from the past. The food was not the usual traditionally unhealthy as possible fare - no Christmas pudding, no cream sauces, no stuffing...
It occurs to me that this year, everything I had clung to or held dear in the past, was now gone. God has, over the course of the past few months, removed everything I built my identity on,including what makes Christmas, and my long hair which I had always wanted, which I spent many hours and dollars fussing over, playing with, and which I had had for all of a mere 5 years.
All the pillars which might have caused a sense of pride are gone. The irony is that my hair grew long when I went thorugh a phase of unemployment and could not afford a hair cut. I was really down to nothing then. Today, I am reminded again that when we are down to nothing, God is up to something. I am also reminded of Isiah 43:18: 'Do not remember the former things or consider the things of old.I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?'
I know I am on the verge of a new season. I have changed my prayers from focusing on what I want, to asking God to put me where he needs me. In other words, I am reaching a watershed in my trust of God. Has it been easy? Heck, no! I still have my hopes. But I will force my feet to take the steps I must, and hope my whole heart will follow.
Watch this space!
God was merciful and answered my prayers - the family all showed up. For the first time since my father's death, I saw his side of the family for Christmas, and we all, even his nephews who barely see their own parents, remembered my father fondly and with laughter. My cousin, who does not have time for much, has been supportive the minute I was diagnosed, inviting me over for dinner and saying that they would cook whatever I wanted to eat. The last time I saw him was eight years ago just after my father died.
One of my brothers, who is incommunicado most of the time, and whose attendance at the family lunch was up in the air - we had not heard from him for a few weeks despite several text messages and phone calls - actually made it back. My mother was beside herself with joy. For about two days prior, I had asked God to speak to his heart to bring him home for Christmas, not for me, but for my mother. I had actually told God to, in local parlance, 'knock his head'. Two days after I began praying this prayer, as He has seemed to do throughout my cancer journey, God answered my prayers! My brother had to work overtime to make it back for Christmas - but thank God he managed it.
More than this, the friends I've made, who are on the same cancer journey, were all in touch, making the season all the more meaningful. While I worked hard to make this a Christmas reminiscent of the Christmasses of my youth, I had to acknowledge that this was not to be. Things are too different - my brothers do not do Christmas in a big way - I was horrified to find their kids did not get Christmas presents! They get lots of presents all year round, so why bother at Christmas? No Christmas tree, no carolling, no Mass...
When I used to do Christmas at my flat, I pushed the boat out. It was not so this time because it was done at my brother's flat. So, this was one departure from the past. The food was not the usual traditionally unhealthy as possible fare - no Christmas pudding, no cream sauces, no stuffing...
It occurs to me that this year, everything I had clung to or held dear in the past, was now gone. God has, over the course of the past few months, removed everything I built my identity on,including what makes Christmas, and my long hair which I had always wanted, which I spent many hours and dollars fussing over, playing with, and which I had had for all of a mere 5 years.
All the pillars which might have caused a sense of pride are gone. The irony is that my hair grew long when I went thorugh a phase of unemployment and could not afford a hair cut. I was really down to nothing then. Today, I am reminded again that when we are down to nothing, God is up to something. I am also reminded of Isiah 43:18: 'Do not remember the former things or consider the things of old.I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?'
I know I am on the verge of a new season. I have changed my prayers from focusing on what I want, to asking God to put me where he needs me. In other words, I am reaching a watershed in my trust of God. Has it been easy? Heck, no! I still have my hopes. But I will force my feet to take the steps I must, and hope my whole heart will follow.
Watch this space!
posted by Simone @ 10:29 PM
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